Art & Ruby Harper Award
At this years annual Foster Parents Award Banquet ,Mark Iverson was presented with the Art & Ruby Harper Award. Mark was honored by being selected as the first Adoption Attorney to ever receive this prestigious award. He is seen in the foster adopt community and the agency as the go to attorney with many years of experience and expertise in the adoption process. Each year on National Adoption Day, Mark completes a large number of adoptions and co-hosts a fun filled reception that is attended by each family in honor of this special day. The process is seamless and it is Marks steadfast commitment to excellence and heart for adoption that has earned him this honer. Thanks Mark for your many years of caring and sharing yourself with our community.
Adoption of the Month - May
Danielle and I met almost 6 years ago at church. She comes from a larger family, with 4 older sisters, while I have just one brother. We were married on September 19, 2009. I work at Jubilant HollisterStier Laboratories, and she is a photographer, working from home. We have a very close extended family, and spend much of our free time with our siblings.
Danielle learned when she was 19 that she has a birth defect where she was born without a uterus, so she’s known since before we met that she would be unable to have kids. We both have looked forward to being parents our entire lives, and the choice to adopt, rather than surrogacy or a uterine transplant was an easy one for us. We both felt that we could love our children just as well if they were adopted than if we had gone through some other means, and we know that there are children out there that need a safe, loving home like we can provide.
Every journey is unique, and it is best to go into it with an open mind. I would encourage everyone to contact an adoption attorney (such as Mark) before starting the process, especially for the first time. The expert advice and guidance Mark provided us, along with the references he provided for our social worker, proved to be invaluable.
I don’t think I could say enough good things about our experience with Mark. He was extremely helpful and knowledgeable. Mark has a passion for the work he does that can be seen instantly when working with him. In the long run, working with Mark, rather than going through an agency or something like that, likely saved us thousands of dollars, and resulted in a much quicker and problem free adoption than otherwise would have happened.
Dakota, our son, has been the biggest blessing either of us has ever had in our lives. His adoption has completely changed our outlook s on life and our priorities, in a very positive way. No matter how tough the work day may be all problems melt away when I get home and get to hold my smiling son.
Surrogacy Experts Help Navigate Murky Legal Waters
On a sunny weekday morning, Diane Hinson pauses at the door of a generic office park in Northern Virginia. It’s a routine work appointment for her, but a potentially life-changing event for her clients.
“I’m here today for the transfer of embryos,” she explains.
Hinson is one of a growing number of lawyers making a living by coordinating surrogacies — a pregnancy where a woman bears a child for someone else who can’t conceive or carry a pregnancy to term. According to the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, more than 1,400 U.S. babies were born this way in 2010, and many more such births are thought to go unreported. This small, but fast-growing field is fraught with risk, and often intense coordination is the only way to avoid a legal nightmare.
Inside the Virginia Center for Reproductive Medicine, Hinson greets Joy, a confident and upbeat surrogate-to-be who has flown in from Florida for this appointment.
“I knew how much of a joy it was when I had my baby,” Joy says. “I thought I’d love to do this for someone.”
Hinson has matched Joy with Michael, a single man from Germany who wants to be a father. Surrogacy is banned in Germany, and both will only let us use their first names.
The two embryos ready for transfer were created using Michael’s sperm and the eggs of an anonymous donor in Washington, D.C. Confused? The point is that — like almost all surrogacies now — Joy will have no genetic connection to any baby she carries.
Joy signs a consent form agreeing to carry twins if both embryos implant. With a hug and a quick “Good luck!” she heads back to an operating room for the procedure.
A Legal Patchwork
When surrogacy works, it’s like a miracle for people who never thought they’d be able to have a child. But when it goes wrong, it goes terribly wrong. And though that doesn’t happen often, those are the cases you’re most likely to hear about — surrogates changing their mind and deciding to keep a child, followed by protracted custody disputes.
Surrogacy is largely unregulated and, thanks to the Internet, it’s become a do-it-yourself affair with potentially disastrous results. A decade ago, Hinson started Creative Family Connections in Maryland with the aim of creating order in a reproductive Wild West.
“We actually made this map of the United States,” Hinson says as she pulls it up on her laptop. It’s a colorful display of varied and competing state laws on surrogacy. There are “proceed at your own risk” states, where surrogacy is prohibited, but goes on anyway; there are “green light” states that permit it and “yellow light” states that won’t enforce surrogacy contracts; and then there are the states that allow it with certain restrictions, like you have to be in a traditional marriage.
“And then we’ve got a huge number of states which we call the ‘vacuum’ states,” Hinson says. That means there is no statute and there are no published court cases. There’s also one “red light” state where surrogacy is criminal — Washington, D.C., just down the road from Hinson’s office. She says she once spent a panicked day trying to keep a hospitalized surrogate in Maryland from being transferred to D.C.
“They’re like, ‘Well, what would happen if this baby was born in D.C.?’ because she was having contractions,” Hinson says. “I’m like, ‘I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out.’ “
Visiting A Surrogate
According to Creative Family Connections, prospective parents can pay well over $100,000 in legal and medical fees. With all that at stake, Hinson must first figure out where clients can hire a surrogate; then she sets out to find a woman for the job. She and her colleagues place personalized ads and carry out an intense vetting process that includes a psychological evaluation and home visit.
At one such visit, Crystal Andrews welcomes Creative Family Connections partner Linda ReVeal and a case manager into her tidy townhouse in Bel Air, Md. “I feel like I need to hug you, I’ve talked to you so many times,” Andrews says. Andrews wants to be a surrogate, and her husband, John Andrews, has taken off work to be here.
The couple meet crucial criteria for surrogacy. They already have children, so Crystal presumably understands the emotions involved in bearing a child; their home — or “in utero environment” as ReVeal calls it — is clean and happy; and they are not on government aid. While surrogates get paid about $20,000 plus expenses, the idea is to rule out anyone who’s doing it only for the money.
John assures them he is supportive, another must. “I see it as a chance for her to provide for somebody else who can’t have [a baby],” he says.
ReVeal presses: “You don’t think it’ll be weird or uncomfortable to have your wife be pregnant with a child that isn’t yours?” she asks.
No, he says, and family and friends are also onboard. Crystal tells them she enjoys being pregnant.
“It’s like I have a purpose,” she says. “It’s like I’m doing something important.”
A 55-page contract will make sure surrogate and intended parents see eye to eye, spelling out everything from when they’d agree to terminate a pregnancy to how the surrogate will try to eat a well-balanced diet. ReVeal also asks what kind of people the Andrewses would like to help — a married couple, a same-sex couple or a single parent. Crystal says it’s all good.
“I think people who are uptight might not jive with us very well,” she says, “just because we’re just very relaxed.”
Hinson says she does her best to make a good match between surrogate and intended parents. But in the end, she says, this relationship depends on trust.
“I always liken it to parents who have a nanny,” she says. “If you think you need a nanny-cam, you’re getting the wrong person. You have to ultimately trust that this is the person who’s going to take care of your baby.”
The Surrogacy Bond
Back at the Virginia fertility clinic, the embryo transfer went well for Joy, the surrogate from Florida, and the doctor comes out to show off the ultrasound.
It’s exciting, but if Joy becomes pregnant, there’s always the risk that she’ll bond with the baby she carries. Instead, Hinson encourages surrogates to bond with the intended parents. Joy has already spent time with father-to-be Michael and they talk on Skype. She also knows how she’ll explain all of this to her own toddler son.
“I’m going to take pictures for Michael to see my belly,” she says. “When my son gets of age, I’ll tell him Mommy helped create a baby for someone else. I’m hoping I can say, ‘See, this is Uncle Michael’s baby.’ “
If all goes well, today’s black-and-white ultrasound will be the first photo for Michael’s — and Joy’s — baby book.
This story was produced for broadcast by Marisa Peñaloza.
Source: NPR
Status update: Baby wanted!
Over more than five years of trying for a baby they had endured more than their fair share of disappointment and heartbreak.
Having lost twins at five months after years of trying, and then endured countless more rounds of IVF, Seth Edlavitch and Melissa Segal were desperate for a child of their own and ready to adopt.
Wanting to let people know, but unsure of what would happen, the Washington DC couple took an unusual decision- to post a message on Facebook.
Mum and Dad: Seth Edlavitch and Melissa Segal were desperate to adopt when they posted a flyer on Facebook
In a fateful move one night in late November 2008, which changed the course of their lives forever, Seth posted in a flyer: ‘Loving, professional couple looking to adopt a newborn in the U.S. Melissa has been a fourth-grade teacher for 11 years, and Seth works in public health. We want to build our family through adoption with love, laughter, fun, and passion.’
Being new to the site, with just 40 friends, he had no idea what would happen. With the couple’s permission, Seth’s friend John quickly posted the flyer to his wall.
Baby boy: Seth posted in a flyer: ‘Loving, professional couple looking to adopt a newborn in the U.S.’
Proud mother: Melissa has been a fourth-grade teacher for 11 years
Social networking: At the time Seth was new to the site with just 40 friends
At first nothing happened. Then, in early December, a friend of John’s who had seen the flyer called.
Despite not having spoken to John in more than 20 years the flyer had struck a chord. The wife of one of her employees, Lisa, was pregnant, but already had several children and was thinking about adoption.
After switching numbers, an anxious Seth and Melissa telephoned eight-months-pregnant Lisa that same night.
They met soon after, at a Starbucks near to where both couples live in Washington DC.
‘We were really nervous the day we met Lisa,’ Melissa recalls, according to Parenting.com. ‘But when we sat down to talk, it was like getting to know a good friend. She showed us pictures of her children, who were all happy and healthy.’
Model father: The couple have known baby Noah since the day he was born thanks to Lisa
Leap of faith: The couple had no idea that this flyer posted onto a social network would change their lives forever
They also asked Lisa about her health, lifestyle and medical history.
Lisa decided that she wanted Melissa and Seth to adopt her baby, and lawyers quickly arranged the official adoption process.
Just weeks later, Melissa and Seth found themselves with Lisa and her husband as she prepared to give birth to their son, Noah Benjamin.
Noah is now two and the couple are planning to use the social network once again to try to find a little brother or sister for him.
‘Using Facebook to find Noah was a miracle,’ Seth told Parenting.com.
‘We know the power of social media, and we hope it will help connect us with another baby in need of a family,’ Melissa said.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2106772/Status-update-Baby-wanted-How-Facebook-couples-dream-starting-family-come-true.html#ixzz1nWVpVE9S
Source: Daily Mail
Adoption of the Month - April
Norm and I have been married for 27 years and have five grown children, 5 grandchildren. Most of our family lives in the Spokane area and we see each other often. One of our sons lives in Montreal and we have a daughter who lives in Japan. We also have a large extended family and a lot of friends. We live in a rural area north of Spokane, like to hike in the woods, go four wheeling, read and just being with each other.
We would never have thought, a year ago, that today we would be parents again. Then we met our Laife. He has been in foster care for most of his 8 years and was placed with our daughter and son in law, who are foster parents with Washington State. We all loved Laife, but it became apparent that in order for him to thrive and heal, he needed to be the only child in the family. We tried to find a younger couple to adopt him, thinking we were too old, but in the end, it became apparent that we were the ones who loved him and we were the ones who needed to adopt him.
Adopting, especially an older child, is a challenge. An older child brings with them more years of uncertainty, more years of rejection and more years of loss. An older child also brings joy, intellectual challenges, excitement as you introduce them to things we take for granted. For instance our son had never been to a baseball game so last summer when we took him to an Indians game, he was thrilled! He had never seen the ocean, so we took him to the Washington coast and he was enthralled by the vastness. We are hoping to take him to every kids dream – Disneyland, perhaps in May. We can hardly wait to see his face when he sees the magic there.
I have met Mark in my capacity as a program director for a non profit foster/adopt agency in town, Olive Crest. Most of our families have used the services of Mark in their adoptions and consistently report Mark to offer high quality services that encompass both skill and care. I found Mark to be a source of quiet confidence when we truly needed that. This process can be nerve-wracking. Mark was always quick to respond to any questions I had, generous in his time, and even was able to laugh at some of the antics of our son when we took him with us to sign the final papers. Jan Lammers is currently working alongside Mark with her expertise regarding adoption support and we appreciated her candid encouragement, and her willingness to share ways for us to advocate for the supports needed by our son.
I’m sure the enrichment has just begun. We talk often about how this process changed our life for the better. Sure, we could have chosen to spend the next 10 years traveling or investing in hobbies. But what better legacy to leave behind than a child reared into an adult with many more opportunities than they would have had otherwise. Although at our age we don’t take ourselves too seriously, our son has given us even more reasons to laugh and cry, to plan and to share. The other day Laife asked, “ Mom”, what happens to the kids who don’t get adopted?” I told him they usually just stay in foster care until they grow up and leave to be grownups. He replied in his Laifism way, “I sure am glad God figured out that I would need some extra help in growing up and gave me a family.” Our wish is that every kid out there waiting to be adopted would have someone who could be that “extra help in growing up! “
Adoption Myths & Realities
MYTH There are very few babies being placed for adoption in the U.S.
REALITY 20,000 or more U.S.-born infants are placed for adoption each year—more than the number of international adoptions yearly.
MYTH Adoption is outrageously expensive, out of reach for most families.
REALITY Adoption is often no more expensive than giving birth. Costs to adopt domestically average $15,000, before the $10,000 Adoption Tax Credit and benefits that many employers offer.
MYTH Birthparents can show up at any time to reclaim their child.
REALITY Once an adoption is finalized, the adoptive family is rec- ognized as the child’s family by law. Despite the publicity surrounding a few high-profile cases, post-adoption revocations are extremely rare.
MYTH Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children.
REALITY Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning between them.
MYTH Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children.
REALITY Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning between them.
Adoption of the Month - March
Kevin and I have been married for almost 13 years and we have 5 children. Our two oldest are from Kevin’s 1st marriage. Ashley, is our oldest at 25, she is married with 2 children of her own. Stephanie is a 22 year old graduate student at Boston College. Our remaining children are Luke, our 9 year old, Claire who is 8, and Catherine is 7. Luke and Claire were born in China and joined our family in 2004 and 2011 respectively. I am an attorney and Kevin is retired law enforcement.
We had tried to have children without success. I required open heart surgery and during the time I was recovering from that we decided that the best way to bring a child into our family was to adopt. Luke’s adoption was completed in May 2004. In August 2010 Luke told us he thought we should “Go to China and get another kid.” That started a dialogue within our family about adopting again. Then we heard about Claire and knew she was meant for our family. Adoption can be an intrusive process; complete strangers dig into every aspect of your life and have the final say about whether you are “fit” to be a parent. But when a child joins your family, it doesn’t matter how that occurred, it only matters that it happened. Adoption is a lesson in patience and perseverance but at the end of the day, like the pain of childbirth, once that child is in your arms and part of your family the difficulty of the process is easily forgotten.
My experience of working with Mark Iverson and his office was a positive one. I know lots of adoptive parents who choose to do this last step on their own, and being an attorney I certainly could have done that. However, we felt that this is just too important and wanted to make sure that it’s done right. I’ve known Mark for a long time and have had the immense pleasure of working with him in a professional capacity. So when we wanted to affirm our adoptions under Washington law, Mark was the clear choice. Mark has a tremendous amount of experience in adoption law. He handles matters in a professional and compassionate manner. He understands the process from start to finish and is so genuinely happy for the families he represents. Having Mark handle the US law part of our adoption has given us complete confidence that it was done right and so we don’t have to worry about some problem popping up down the road. That kind of peace is invaluable.
Raising Children Who Have Experienced Trauma
You have found yet another disturbing drawing, 40 chewed up crayons, a collection of food under the bed or a pile of missing homework from last school year and you cringe! The next time your friend or neighbor tells you that adoptive parenting is the same as parenting any other child, you will be ready to put your boxing gloves on. Of course I am approaching this with humor because if I don’t and you can relate to this article, you just may cry.
Here are a few tips to help:
- Make sure that you have as much information about the family structure, situation and experiences as you can. Sometimes there is limited information with children who have been abandoned or in some orphanages. You have to gather as much info as you can to understand what your child has experienced and what possible behaviors may result from it.
- Keep in mind that many children who have experienced trauma of any kind, do not know why they act out in the way that they do. As they grow, begin to teach counteracting habits and ideas to help them understand a healthier way to respond to things such as anger, hunger, sadness and neglect.
- Teach and show your children that you are always available to talk about their feelings and meet their needs. Many times children that have experienced trauma respond in one of two ways. They either depend completely on themselves and refuse to ask for help or appear needy OR they will become completely dependent on others and thrive off of the constant attention. Both are unhealthy and as a parent you need to pay close attention to how they are responding to the world around them.
- Get them help, if needed. If you feel overwhelmed and that you do not have the knowledge to help them through a particular issue, then contact your nearest counselor to help. Being a Christian, I obviously would suggest someone who is familiar with handling emotions and psychology from a Christian perspective.
- Try to focus on things that are new, fresh and life-giving. You cannot ignore their past or the result of their past. However, giving them a future to look forward to sets them up for the mindset that life can be different.
- Give them time! Give yourself time! If your child suffered months or years of abuse, neglect, hunger and sadness, do not expect it to go away as soon as the adoption is final. It is a process. They just need to know that you will be there throughout the process no matter what!
Source: familybydesignadoption.com
Adoption isn’t a birth mother’s rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all she can for her baby.
(via choosingadoption)
Source: livinghereandnow
